I was in my head all of last week. As always, it was quite dark in there. Interestingly enough, what brought me out was an exercise in introspection suggested to me by the priest at my new church. It turns out, I’m clearly an enthusiast. I really do want nothing more than to be content. When I find something that makes me feel happy, I become enraptured by it. I become so deeply enthusiastic that I get things done! Unfortunately, because I’m also deeply disconnected from what it is I need to be happy, I can overextend myself and indulge in materialistic impulses that bring only momentary happiness.
I’ve known this about myself for a while, but to see it so clearly expressed, and to recognize it so easily off the wise lessons of the Enneagram, gave me a sense of peace. I’m not crazy, there it was…everything I’ve been feeling and unable to express. So I signed up for daily thoughts for my personality type.
Today’s thought: Remember that you have a desire to fill yourself up to overcome feelings of emptiness. Can you allow yourself to be satisfied with what you have today?
It stung me like a bee. The first thing I’d done, before reading the thought sitting in my inbox, was make a shopping list of things I “needed” (a low bookshelf for books piled up all over the house, some odds and ends to build a valentine’s day mantel, etc.) As soon as I read the thought I was caught. There I was, in all my anxiety, preparing to fill myself up with more nothing. Luckily, an enthusiast is nothing if not up to the challenge. Could I be satisfied with what I have today? YES!
I looked around and remembered another thing I’d been reading. A design book. One of its pages asked me what I wanted for my home. One of my answers: “I want it to be clutter-free and capable of transformation.” So it was perfect. I transformed an antique phone booth I already had from an entry bench to a low bookshelf. I love it! It went from sitting in the dark entry hall, to front and center of my living room, where I can admire its imperfect beauty daily. And, not only is it holding some of those books I didn’t want piled up at random, it’s also, unexpectedly, the perfect resting place for a painting my sister created when she was just a teenager. While I was at it, and since I wanted to feel like I was in a new place, I found a replacement entry table.
I moved more furniture around in order to further reduce the clutter.
As for the Valentine’s Day mantel, I found a few scraps and poster boards I can use to make it. As soon as the Christmas tree comes down it will go up. <3